Tag Archives: Torah

Day #40: G-D VS GOD SMACKDOWN: RED SEA EDITION

“WELCOME TO G-D VS GOD SMACKDOWN, RED SEA EDITION! We’re here live at the Red Sea in sunny Egypt for round 11 of this era’s title match: THE MUMMY vs. THE INVISIBLE G-D. I’m Jethro, high priest of Midian and with me tonight is Bilaam, seer extraordinaire. Bilaam, what are your thoughts on this match?”

“WELL,” shouts Bilaam into his microphone, “THIS IS LIKE NOTHING I’VE EVER SEEN BEFORE. I’ve been in this business my entire life, but this fight between the up and coming INVISIBLE G-D and the superpower, the AWESOME, the INCREDIBLE MUMMY has been the surprise match of anybody’s lifetime. It has been UNBELIEVABLE.”

“Before the round gets started, let’s review some of the action up to this point.”

“WELL,” says Bilaam, “The INVISIBLE G-D certainly did things in unusual ways. He got his peeps into the heart of THE MUMMY’S territory in a land called Goshen. And his peeps got BEAT on. We didn’t even know there was a match going on. THE MUMMY landed everything he tried. Slavery, oppression, killing babies, you name it. It was AWESOME. Thing was, these peeps kept on coming. And MULTIPLYING. Watching it, you got the feeling somethin’ was up.”

“When did YOU know there was a match?”

“WELL,” says Bilaam, “EVERYBODY knew when the INVISIBLE G-D decided to make an entrance. Sort of. He sends down THE EMISSARY who shows off a few tricks and who tries to say ‘MATCH OVER’ DUDE. Naturally, THE MUMMY just ignored him. He wasn’t doing ANYTHING until THE INVISIBLE G-D showed up in the RING.”

“In retrospect, that was NOT a wise move.”

“YOU CAN SAY THAT AGAIN. We don’t even know if the INVISIBLE G-D ever made it to the ring. MAYBE HE DID, MAYBE HE DIDN’T. NOBODY SEEN HIM. But I’ll tell you this, THE MUMMY got himself some TROUBLE. The INVISIBLE G-D unleashed blood and frogs. But THE MUMMY WASN’T HAVING ANY OF THAT. He said to the invisible G-d’s peeps – ‘MAKE ME STRAW TOO!’ And they started complaining. I mean, hey, where was their main man? And then, WHAM, BANG, KAPOW! The INVISIBLE G-D smacked THE MUMMY upside the head. Warnings, no warnings, it didn’t matter. THE MUMMY was helpless. HECK, a bunch of times THE INVISIBLE G-D even said WHEN he was gonna lay down his thunder. HE TELEGRAPHED IT, and THE MUMMY still couldn’t stop it.”

“I was just amazed at that 10-punch combo the INVISIBLE G-D threw. I mean, I’ve seen a few moves in my day, but getting off a routine like that – wow that sends a message.”

“Jethro, it sure does. And THE MUMMY seemed to be down for the count. He sent THE INVISIBLE G-D’s peeps out. But just before the ref counted him out, THE MUMMY pulled together a HUGE army. I THINK WE MAY BE SEEING THE SECOND COMEBACK OF THIS MATCH.”

“You think THE MUMMY is going to rise from the dead and take out THE INVISIBLE G-D?”

“It sure is possible. I mean think about it. THE INVISIBLE G-D was KICKING THE MUMMY’S BUTT. And then he ends up getting his peeps out and HE GETS THEM LOST!!! THIS IS THE PERFECT OPPORTUNITY FOR A COMEBACK OF HISTORIC PROPORTIONS!!!”

“You don’t think maybe it’s a trap?”

“WHAT KIND OF TRAP?”

“Where THE INVISIBLE G-D plays stupid, brings THE MUMMY close and then jumps up and BODY SLAMS HIM?”

“No, man, I don’t think so. I mean, think about it. That 10-punch combination, that was against the soft bits – the people the economy that kinda stuff. THIS? This requires beating in the head of the TOUGHEST sonfabeaches around. No lice gonna slow this gang down.”

“Well, we’ll see,” says Jethro. “And now, we turn to the action with our correspondent on the field, Job. Job?”

In a radio-filtered voice, “I am a righteous man. I am a righteous man. I am a righteous man. I am a righteous man-”

“Well,” says Jethro, “It appears we’re having some technical difficulties with Job’s connection. We’ll cover the action from here. Right now, THE MUMMY’S ARMY is arrayed above THE INVISIBLE G-D’S massive collection of homeless people. They may be outnumbered, but that army knows what it’s doing.”

“ABSOLUTELY RIGHT,” says Bilaam, “Those Hebrews are slaves. They are trained to be SCARED. They are trained to get PUNISHED. They’ve had the humanity BEAT out of them. Those people don’t stand a chance. I mean, THINK ABOUT IT. If your daddy been beatin’ on you since you were a little kid, just seeing him with that BELT is gonna FREAK YOU OUT.”

“But you might get angry and get even in a burst of courage.”

“Sure, Jethro, that happens a lot. NO, I don’t see it. These people wanna run, there’s no place to run – and I AIN’T SEEING NO INVISIBLE G-D ROUND HERE.”

“Oh my, I think this is over before it BEGAN. The Hebrew people are calling out for surrender.”

“THEY ARE INDEED JETHRO, THEY ARE INDEED. LOOK AT THAT. The EMISSARY is trying to hold them back. But he DOESN’T KNOW WHAT HE’S DOING. He’s as confused as everybody else. OH, FOLKS, THIS IS NOT GOING TO BE PRETTY! THOSE HEBREWS REALLY DON’T WANT ANY PART OF THIS CAN OF WHUP-***.”

“You can say that again!”

“THOSE HEBREWS REALLY DON’T WANT ANY PART OF THIS CAN OF WHUP-***.”

“Bilaam, look down there, some idiot has decided to run through the sea. And, wait, the EMISSARY is stretching out his rod over the SEA. I don’t know how, but I think they’re going to make a run for it.”

“Jethro, they CAN’T MAKE a run for it. It’s the SEA. They GONNA DIE.”

“Pharoah’s army are charging. They don’t want surrender.”

“Not in this match. They want a straight up KO – NOTHING LEFT.”

“OH MY! BILAAM DID YOU SEE THAT.”

“DID ANYBODY NOT SEE THAT!!!”

“THE WHOLE SEA JUST OPENED UP. IT SPLIT IN TWO!  I AM NOT MAKING THIS UP FOLKS. IT SPLIT IN TWO!”

“WOW.”

“WOW IS RIGHT, BILAAM.”

“I HAVE NEVER SEEN ANYTHING LIKE IT. You can’t believe the excitement here folks. Something absolutely INSANE is happening. THE INVISIBLE G-D just SPLIT THE SEA.”

“BILAAM. WHAT IS GOING ON??”

“Well, it is IMPRESSIVE, but I think it’s just too late. Those chariots are gonna CATCH UP. And then it’s BYE BYE PEEPS!”

“I DON’T KNOW, BILAAM. I THINK THIS MAY BE A SUCKER PUNCH.”

“I DON’T SEE IT. What are you related to THE EMISSARY or something?”

“maybe. FOLKS, the seabed has turned to DRY LAND and the people are making a run for it. THE MUMMY’S ARMY is catching up. But the ground seems to be turning WET under their feet.”

“IT IS INDEED, JETHRO. THAT IS A NEAT TRICK. THEY ARE GETTING SLOWED UP SOMETHING FURIOUS.”

“Bilaam, I’m not sure they can close that gap.”

“You know, JETHRO, you may be right.”

“THE PEOPLE ARE OUT ON THE OTHER SIDE!!!”

“Jethro, let’s see what happens. Slogging or not, when THE MUMMY’S ARMY reaches the Eastern shore of that sea there will be a SLAUGHTER.”

“The INVISIBLE G-D’S PEOPLE HAVE STOPPED!!”

“What are they waiting for? They’ve got to RUN.”

“OH MY, THIS ISN’T PRETTY.”

“THE SEA IS NO LONGER SPLIT.”

“IT IS CRASHING IN.”

“WHAT A MOVE!!!”

“THE MUMMY’S ARMY IS BEING ANNIHILATED.”

“IT IS ANNIHILATED.”

“GAME-SET-MATCH.”

“JETHRO, YOU CALLED IT. DUDE THAT WAS NASTY!”

“THAT WAS UNBELIEVABLE. FOLKS, THE MUMMY, UNBEATEN IN THE RING FOR 2,000 YEARS HAS JUST BEEN ANNIHILATED BY THE INVISIBLE G-D. I MEAN DESTROYED. THERE AIN’T NOTHING LEFT.”

“JETHRO, that was INCREDIBLE, COLOSSAL, HISTORIC. FOLKS YOU HAD TO BE HERE TO BELIEVE THIS. THE MUMMY, I REPEAT, THE MUMMY, HAS BEEN WASTED.”

“Bilaam, that was the greatest match ever. And look, the Hebrews are dancing the chicken dance and doing the singing thing.”

“THEY ARE INDEED, JETHRO. And who can blame them. They’re INVISIBLE G-D just rewrote the ENTIRE SPORT OF G-D VS. GOD SMACKDOWN. FOLKS, it’ll be a LONG time before anybody steps up against THE INVISIBLE G-D.”

“They may ignore him, but they ain’t gonna FIGHT HIM.”

“Jethro, I’m a SEER, I oughtta know.”

“Well, folks, the fight is formally over. In Round 11, the INVISIBLE G-D KOs THE MUMMY. After the break, we’ll have interviews with THE EMISSARY about the fight, and his SISTER about the chicken dance.”

“Jetro, I know I’m looking forward to that.”

— Cut to commercials.

Day #19: headcount@nile.com


ADMIN UPDATE:
If you are of a political bent, you might find Dr. Rajiv Chaudry (about Healthcare ‘Reform’) and Jason Webster.(about Air Terrorism)
There are, of course, lots of other fun stories like Howitt (about a soldier), Violin Boy, The Cult etc… Enjoy this one!

headcount@nile.com:


Date: Thursday, 8, Mhyr, Fifth Year, Twentieth Dynasty, New Kingdom, Sunrise

From: “Neferty” < neferty@nile.com>
To: “Amenemhat” < amenemhat@nile.com>
Subject: Headcount

Amenemhat,

I had a vision last night. In it, the Hebrew slaves covered the land. And there was no work. And they ate everything.

FYI, don’t bring your eldest out next Sunday.

Enjoy your weekend!
Neferty
Human Resources Analyst, Department of Astrology  & Visions

****************************************************************
Date: Thursday, 8, Mhyr, Fifth Year, Twentieth Dynasty, New Kingdom,  Early Morning
From: “Amenemhat” < amenemhat@nile.com>
To:  “Ammon” < Ammon@nile.com>
Subject: Re: Headcount

Ammon,

See attached. Neferty had a vision. Explain.

Amenemhat
Chief Task Master, Slave Driving Division

****************************************************************
Date: Thursday, 8, Mhyr, Fifth Year, Twentieth Dynasty, New Kingdom,  Mid-Morning
From: “Ammon” < Ammon@nile.com >
To:  “Amenemhat” < amenemhat@nile.com>
Subject: Re: Headcount

Amenemhat,

There are too many slaves.

Ammon
Project Planning, Slave Driving Division

****************************************************************
Date: Thursday, 8, Mhyr, Fifth Year, Twentieth Dynasty, New Kingdom,  Mid-Morning
From: “Amenemhat” < amenemhat@nile.com>
To:  “Ammon” < Ammon@nile.com”
Subject: Re: Headcount

Ammon,

What do you mean too many slaves? I thought we were on top of this.

Amenemhat
Chief Task Master, Slave Driving Division

****************************************************************
Date: Thursday, 8, Mhyr, Fifth Year, Twentieth Dynasty, New Kingdom,  Midday
From: “Ammon” < Ammon@nile.com >
To:  “Amenemhat” < amenemhat@nile.com>
Subject: Re: Headcount

Amenemhat,

I’ve reviewed the model. They didn’t reproduce to projections. They were brought on for one project, which was expected to take a generation. They didn’t die out but the project is ending, so now there are too many.

Ammon
Project Planning, Slave Driving Division

****************************************************************
Date: Thursday, 8, Mhyr, Fifth Year, Twentieth Dynasty, New Kingdom,  Midday
From: “Amenemhat” < amenemhat@nile.com>
To:  “Ammon” < Ammon@nile.com”
Subject: Re: Headcount

Ammon,

Can we retask them?

Amenemhat
Chief Task Master, Slave Driving Division

****************************************************************
Date: Thursday, 8, Mhyr, Fifth Year, Twentieth Dynasty, New Kingdom,  Late Day
From: “Ammon” < Ammon@nile.com >
To:  “Amenemhat” < amenemhat@nile.com>
Subject: Re: Headcount

Amenemhat,

Yes we can. But I’ve analyzed it and my projections don’t show us having anything worth feeding them to do.

As an aside, they eat a lot. We’re going to have food issues soon.

Ammon
Project Planning, Slave Driving Division

****************************************************************
Date: Thursday, 8, Mhyr, Fifth Year, Twentieth Dynasty, New Kingdom,  Late Day
From: “Amenemhat” < amenemhat@nile.com>
To:  “Ammon” < Ammon@nile.com”
Subject: Re: Headcount

Ammon,

Give me a report and I’ll present to Pharoah.

Amenemhat
Chief Task Master, Slave Driving Division

****************************************************************
Date: Thursday, 9, Mhyr, Fifth Year, Twentieth Dynasty, New Kingdom,  Sunrise
From: “Amenemhat” < amenemhat@nile.com>
To:  “Pharoah” < bigkahuna@nile.com”
Subject: Re: Headcount

Oh Great and Masterful Pharoah,

It appears the Hebrew slaves have been multiplying faster than the budget can accommodate. I suggest working them harder and beating them more in order to dampen their future anticipated growth curve. We ought to be able to tackle this issue through attrition alone.

Amenemhat
Chief Task Master, Slave Driving Division

****************************************************************
Date: Thursday, 9, Mhyr, Fifth Year, Twentieth Dynasty, New Kingdom, Early Morning
From: “Pharoah” < bigkahuna@nile.com”
To: “Amenemhat” < amenemhat@nile.com>
Subject: Re: Headcount

Loyal Amenemhat,

I agree, I will issue the approval in the workforce management system.

Great and Masterful Pharoah

****************************************************************
Date: Thursday, 9, Mhyr, Fifth Year, Twentieth Dynasty, New Kingdom, Early Morning
From: “Amenemhat” < amenemhat@nile.com>
To:  “Pharoah” < bigkahuna@nile.com”
Subject: Re: Headcount

Oh Great and Masterful Pharoah,

I will keep you updated.

Amenemhat
Chief Task Master, Slave Driving Division

~~~~~~~~~~~~

****************************************************************
Date: Thursday, 20, Ipip, Tenth Year, Twentieth Dynasty, New Kingdom, Sunrise
From: “Neferty”   < neferty@nile.com>
To: “Amenemhat” < amenemhat@nile.com>
Subject: Headcount

Amenemhat,

I had a another vision last night. In it, the Hebrew slaves covered the land. And there was no work. And they ate everything.

FYI, avoid Imhotep Lane this evening.

How’s the wife?

Neferty
Human Resources Analyst, Department of Astrology  & Visions

****************************************************************
Date: Thursday, 12, Ipip Tenth Year, Twentieth Dynasty, New Kingdom, Early Morning
From: “Amenemhat” < amenemhat@nile.com>
To:  “Ammon” < Ammon@nile.com>
Subject: Re: Headcount

Ammon,

See attached. Same dream. Same answer?

Amenemhat
Chief Task Master, Slave Driving Division

****************************************************************
Date: Thursday, 12, Ipip, Tenth Year, Twentieth Dynasty, New Kingdom, Early Morning
From: “Ammon” < Ammon@nile.com >
To:  “Amenemhat” < amenemhat@nile.com>
Subject: Re: Headcount

Amenemhat,

Same answer. Let’s add more work. Maybe make them make bricks?

Ammon
Project Planning, Slave Driving Division

~~~~~~~~~~~~

****************************************************************
Date: Thursday, 12, Ipip, Tenth Year, Twentieth Dynasty, New Kingdom, Late Day
From: “Pharoah” < bigkahuna@nile.com”
To: “Amenemhat” < amenemhat@nile.com>
Subject: Re: Headcount

Loyal Amenemhat,

I agree. I will issue the approval in the workforce management system.

Great and Masterful Pharoah

~~~~~~~~~~~~

****************************************************************
Date: Thursday, 15, Ta-‘b, Twelfth Year, Twentieth Dynasty, New Kingdom, Sunrise
From: “Neferty”  < neferty@nile.com>
To: “Amenemhat” < amenemhat@nile.com>
Subject: Headcount

Amenemhat,

I had a another vision last night. In it, the Hebrew slaves covered the land. And there was no work. And they ate everything.

You need brain surgery.

Neferty
Human Resources Analyst, Department of Astrology  & Visions

****************************************************************
Date: Thursday, 15, Ta-‘b, Twelfth Year, Twentieth Dynasty, New Kingdom, Early Morning
From: “Amenemhat” < amenemhat@nile.com>
To:  “Ammon” < Ammon@nile.com>
Subject: Re: Headcount

Ammon,

See attached. Still there.

FYI, I don’t know how Neferty knew, but I did have a little bit of pressure relieved. I’m fine now.

Amenemhat
Chief Task Master, Slave Driving Division

****************************************************************
Date: Thursday, 15, Ta-‘b, Twelfth Year, Twentieth Dynasty, New Kingdom, Late Morning
From: “Ammon” < Ammon@nile.com >
To:  “Amenemhat” < amenemhat@nile.com>
Subject: Re: Headcount

Amenemhat,

Good to hear. I’m almost out of ideas. Maybe we can slaughter them?

Ammon
Project Planning, Slave Driving Division

****************************************************************
Date: Thursday, 15, Ta-‘b, Twelfth Year, Twentieth Dynasty, New Kingdom, Midday
From: “Amenemhat” < amenemhat@nile.com>
To:  “Ammon” < Ammon@nile.com>
Subject: Re: Headcount

Ammon,

Wouldn’t work, they might unionize.

Amenemhat
Chief Task Master, Slave Driving Division

****************************************************************
Date: Thursday, 15, Ta-‘b, Twelfth Year, Twentieth Dynasty, New Kingdom, Midday
From: “Ammon” < Ammon@nile.com >
To:  “Amenemhat” < amenemhat@nile.com>
Subject: Re: Headcount

Amenemhat,

Maybe we can restructure by kill all the boy babies and keep the girls as breeding stock?

Ammon
Project Planning, Slave Driving Division

~~~~~~~~~~~~

****************************************************************
Date: Thursday, 16, Ta-‘b, Twelfth Year, Twentieth Dynasty, New Kingdom, Early Morning
From: “Pharoah” < bigkahuna@nile.com”
To: “Amenemhat” < amenemhat@nile.com>
Subject: Re: Headcount

Loyal Amenemhat,

I agree. I will issue the approval in the workforce management system.

Great and Masterful Pharoah

****************************************************************
Date: Thursday, 16, Ta-‘b, Twelfth Year, Twentieth Dynasty, New Kingdom, Mid-Morning
From: “Amenemhat” < amenemhat@nile.com>
To:  “Akh” < Akh@nile.com>
Subject: Re: Headcount

Akh,

We are having excessive headcount issues. The Great and Masterful Pharoah has approved a baby-culling exercise. Can your group implement?

Amenemhat
Chief Task Master, Slave Driving Division

******************************************************
**********
Date: Thursday, 16, Ta-‘b, Twelfth Year, Twentieth Dynasty, New Kingdom, Midday
From: “Akh” < Akh@nile.com>
To: “Amenemhat” < amenemhat@nile.com>
Subject: Re: Headcount

Amenemhat,

We’ve already developed a plan for this. We can outsource the actual baby-killing to the Hebrew midwives.

Akh
Vice President, Operations Management

****************************************************************
Date: Thursday, 16, Ta-‘b, Twelfth Year, Twentieth Dynasty, New Kingdom,  Midday
From: “Amenemhat” < amenemhat@nile.com>
To:  “Akh” < Akh@nile.com>
Subject: Re: Headcount

Akh,

It isn’t my department, but wouldn’t that seem difficult to actually implement? It seems like incentives wouldn’t line up with desired outcomes.

Amenemhat
Chief Task Master, Slave Driving Division

****************************************************************
Date: Thursday, 16, Ta-‘b, Twelfth Year, Twentieth Dynasty, New Kingdom, Late Day
From: “Akh” < Akh@nile.com>
To: “Amenemhat” < amenemhat@nile.com>
Subject: Re: Headcount

Amenemhat,

It will work. Midwives’ activities are carefully tracked and we have in-depth reporting on their performance. We can track it and impose disincentives on a case-by-case basis.

Akh
Vice President, Operations Management

****************************************************************
Date: Thursday, 16, Ta-‘b, Twelfth Year, Twentieth Dynasty, New Kingdom, Late Day
From: “Amenemhat” < amenemhat@nile.com>
To:  “Akh” < Akh@nile.com>
Subject: Re: Headcount

Akh,

Ok.

Amenemhat
Chief Task Master, Slave Driving Division

~~~~~~~~~~~~

****************************************************************
Date: Thursday, 25, Ipip, Twelfth Year, Twentieth Dynasty, New Kingdom, Early Morning
From: “Akh” < Akh@nile.com>
To: “Amenemhat” < amenemhat@nile.com>
Subject: Re: Headcount

Amenemhat,

We’ve had some pushback on implementation.

Akh
Vice President, Operations Management

****************************************************************
Date: Thursday, 25, Ipip, Twelfth Year, Twentieth Dynasty, New Kingdom, Early Morning
From: “Amenemhat” < amenemhat@nile.com>
To:  “Akh” < Akh@nile.com>
Subject: Re: Headcount

Akh,

What about the disincentives?

Amenemhat
Chief Task Master, Slave Driving Division

****************************************************************
Date: Thursday, 25, Ipip, Twelfth Year, Twentieth Dynasty, New Kingdom, Midday
From: “Akh” < Akh@nile.com>
To: “Amenemhat” < amenemhat@nile.com>
Subject: Re: Headcount

Amenemhat,

They’ve covered themselves. They claim they aren’t actually at the births in time, so they can’t kill the babies. Due to under-funding of our department, our database is primitive. We can’t track whether or not they’re telling the truth.

We can solve the problem by increasing our budget and thus our data storage and tracking capability.

Akh
Vice President, Operations Management

****************************************************************
Date: Thursday, 25, Ipip, Twelfth Year, Twentieth Dynasty, New Kingdom, Late Day
From: “Amenemhat” < amenemhat@nile.com>
To:  “Akh” < Akh@nile.com>
Subject: Re: Headcount

Akh,

There is no room in the budget. Send out Egyptian auditing groups. If they find baby Hebrew boys, reduce future the headcount by throwing them in the Nile. I’ll have Pharoah authorize.

Amenemhat
Chief Task Master, Slave Driving Division

****************************************************************
Date: Thursday, 25, Ipip, Twelfth Year, Twentieth Dynasty, New Kingdom, Late Day
From: “Akh” < Akh@nile.com>
To: “Amenemhat” < amenemhat@nile.com>
Subject: Re: Headcount

Amenemhat,

Without the increased database budget, somebody might slip through, but we will implement it.

Akh
Vice President, Operations Management

~~~~~~~~~~~~

****************************************************************
Date: Thursday, 5, Kahrka, Thirty-Fifth Year, Twentieth Dynasty, New Kingdom, Late Afternoon
From: “Pharoah” < bigkahuna@nile.com”
To: “Amenemhat” < amenemhat@nile.com>
Subject: Re: Headcount

Loyal Amenemhat,

Some young man just showed up claiming he was a Hebrew. I thought we restructured them so there wouldn’t be any more young men.

Great and Masterful Pharoah

****************************************************************
Date: Thursday, 5, Kahrka, Thirty-Fifth Year, Twentieth Dynasty, New Kingdom, Late Afternoon
From: “Amenemhat” < amenemhat@nile.com>
To:  “Pharoah” < bigkahuna@nile.com”
Subject: Re: Headcount

Oh Great and Masterful Pharoah,

We achieved our project goals. We laid the groundwork for a significant future reduction in headcount.

One or two might have slipped through.

What did the Hebrew want?

Amenemhat
Chief Task Master, Slave Driving Division

****************************************************************
Date: Thursday, 5, Kahrka, Thirty-Fifth Year, Twentieth Dynasty, New Kingdom, Late Afternoon
From: “Pharoah” < bigkahuna@nile.com”
To: “Amenemhat” < amenemhat@nile.com>
Subject: Re: Headcount

Loyal Amenemhat,

Collective bargaining.

Great and Masterful Pharoah

****************************************************************
Date: Thursday, 5, Kahrka, Thirty-Fifth Year, Twentieth Dynasty, New Kingdom, Late Afternoon
From: “Amenemhat” < amenemhat@nile.com>
To:  “Pharoah” < bigkahuna@nile.com”
Subject: Re: Headcount

Oh Great and Masterful Pharoah,

Oy.

Amenemhat
Chief Task Master, Slave Driving Division

****************************************************************
Date: Thursday, 5, Kahrka, Thirty-Fifth Year, Twentieth Dynasty, New Kingdom, Late Afternoon
From: “Pharoah” < bigkahuna@nile.com”
To: “Amenemhat” < amenemhat@nile.com>
Subject: Re: Headcount

Loyal Amenemhat,

Tell me about it. Just like that, there goes the family business 🙁

Great and Masterful Pharoah


Day #13: Family

“What the hell are we doing back here?”

My wife’s jet black air surrounded a soft face, that at this moment was burning with anger.

Her question wasn’t unexpected.

“What were we supposed to do?” I demanded. We were unwrapping our stuff from the trip. “Were we just supposed to wave goodbye as everybody headed home?”

“Yes,” she said, “That’s exactly what we were supposed to do. That’s exactly what we’d agreed to do.”

“I know, I know,” I said, “But they are our family. Your grandfather just died. And we can’t just walk away at a time like that.”

“Why not?” she demanded.

“How are we supposed to eat?”

“My grandfather managed. And his parents before. They earned their keep and more. Are you so privileged that you can’t imagine doing the same?”

“We have a good life here. A great life. Why do you insist on leaving?”

“We agreed,” she said, “We agreed to go. And now you want to back out.”

“Yes,” I said, “I do. We live like kings here.”

“Dear,” she said,  “You’re young and you’re a bit naive. This is all a mirage. My grandfather’s dead. So now we’re all living under the protection of my uncle.”

“Yes,” I said, “And he promised to protect us.”

“And I can believe him,” she said, “But eventually, he’s going to die. And here, he’s unnatural. They aren’t going to pluck one of us up to replace him. They are going to get rid of him, and then we’re done.”

“We can cross that bridge when we come to it.”

“Can we? We have servants galore here. They do everything for us. But before my uncle came, they were free men. When he dies, when they feel free of him, they are going to turn on us.”

“Maybe,” I said, “But we can run then.”

“THEY WON’T LET US.” she insisted.

“Why not?” I asked.

“Vengeance,” she said, “My uncle humbled a proud people – the proudest people. Sure, he kept them alive, but the price was very high. They give him thanks while he’s alive, but his family is in for something else.”

“You can run,” I said, spreading my hands plaintively, “But that all seems a long way off. I don’t want to be struggling for food when I can be living here, like this.”

“I can’t go without you.” she stated, “To make it, we need to go together.”

“So,” I said, a bit defensively, “I guess we’ll stay here. We belong with the family.”

She looked at me in disbelief. She shook her hear, and then she kept unpacking.

Of course, she ended up being right.

My uncle Joseph died and the Egyptian people turned on us.

The tide was turned and we became slaves.

Yocheved was rarely wrong.